The Gift of Language

한국어 Korean language - it is probably the most important, life-long gift I can give to my children. It isn't an easy gift got give. While learning the Korean alphabet is easy, there are many rules and sooo much vocabulary. There is also the time factor - finding time to study and go to class with so much else going on. It is hard for my son, who is studying Latin at school, and Korean at home.

But, even with the difficulties and our very slow progress, it is so worth it. When we return to Korea in July we can talk to Halmoni about what color things are, we'll count for her and name animals, foods and body parts. :-) We should also be able to tell her if we're hungry or full, ask for a bathroom and greet people. I can tell the kids, "Let's go, hurry up!" (가자! 빨리!). Well, we still have a long way to go. For my kids, it is a matter of feeling that they belong. When we were on the subway in Seoul back in April there were times it was very obvious that people near us were talking about us. Both kids said they wanted to learn Korean so they could know what was being said about them! More importantly, knowing Korean will allow my children to return to Korea if they choose and be able to communicate, to fit in a little more easily. For my son (and hopefully someday for my daughter) it means being able to communicate with his Korean family without a translator.

So, we will continue to plug away. We are very thankful to our Korean friend who teaches us, and to so many members of our local Korean community who let us practice our skills when we see them. I am thankful for the encouragement and pride the Korean community has shown my children when they use the little Korean they have.

한국어 공부 시간! (Time to study Korean! - I think).

Changes in Korea

I have been following the work of TRACK (Truth and Reconciliation for the Adoption Community in Korea)as they work to get legislation enacted to allow adoptees more information about themselves. This group is working hard to make sure the voice of the adoptee is heard in Korea as laws concerning them are being made. I hope they are successful. You can find them on Face Book at:

http://www.facebook.com/pages/Truth-and-Reconciliation-for-the-Adoption-Community-of-Korea-TRACK/124569369223

The other big change in Korea in relation to adoption is the increase in domestic adoption versus international adoption. I think this is great, but I am worried about the children. I hope that Korea is putting social education in place to help those children be accepted in society. Traditionally, adopted children were not afforded the same legal rights as birth children. And the social stigmas have been awful. I wonder if domestically adopted children will be accepted into families of the people they wish to marry. I hope that the social workers are following up on the adoptees - I'm concerned that the monthly stipend, help with housing and additional health benefits will encourage some people to adopt for the benefits and that these people might not treat an adopted child in the same way they would a birth child.

I am also encouraged to see that there is a group working to help single mothers have rights and help so that they can keep their children. The social stigmas related to unwed pregnancy are ridiculous. The way these women, and their children, are viewed is so wrong.

Soo.. how do you change a centuries old culture? How do you get people of that culture to understand the need for human rights when the rights are at odds with long held beliefs? I think that getting the laws and programs into place must come first, but then how do you help these same people (adoptees, birth mothers) be accepted by society? I hope it is possible. I know that there is a good chance my children will live in Korea at some point - whether they choose to make it their permanent home, or live there for a short term, I want them to be treated with respect, to be able to marry whomever they choose without the rejection of the society that created the social situation which lead to their need to be adopted.

Dream Update...

I have found out that I have a place to stay in Busan for a month next summer. Now I have to decide if I can really do this for a month. My husband cannot join us for most of it... he might be able to come visit for a week. The other mom who was thinking of going with us is now going to England instead. Can I live in Korea for a month by myself? In Busan? We would have our friends' parents near by, though they have only a little English. Hmmm....
I think I will contact InKAS and see if J can help us find a school that would let the kids attend for part of the day in exchange for my helping with English classes (a private school, I figure).
Much to think about...

My new addiction...

My name is Toni, and I am a Korean drama-aholic. I have discovered www.mysoju.com, where one can find Korean dramas with English subtitles. I love it. I am currently into Queen Seon Duk (this one is showing in Korea now, so I have to wait for two new episodes each week). I also enjoyed Boys Before Flowers and I am working my way through You are My Destiny - I think this one is a Soap Opera, and I usually don't like soaps, but this is funny. While I enjoy them, I remind myself not to judge the culture from them - imagine if people judged Americans after watching Married with Children or Days of Our Lives. It is interesting to listen and get the language in my ear. I can sometimes pick out words I know, and I've learned a few new ones, some of which I can't put into print and don't want the children to know. The most interesting part is the respect/class piece. How people speak/bow/interact with those they see as inferior or better than themselves. I'm sure this is exaggerated somewhat on a show, but I think it is part of the culture.

Queen Seon Duk is historical. The costumes are amazing. I have looked up information on it and the historical accuracy isn't authentic, but the story is good.

Chosuk

The Korean holiday of Chosuk - The Full Moon or Harvest festival is coming up on October 3. This holiday travels around on the Lunar calendar, usually falling in late September. It is often compared to the American Thanksgiving, though I think it is a combination of Thanksgiving and Memorial Day. We have decided it is about time we added it to our celebrations. The tradition, as I understand it, starts with a morning ceremony of bowing in honor of the family ancestors. A special table with special foods (one being moon shaped rice cakes) is set up, and while wearing hanbok, the family bows in front of the table. After that, the family travels to their family burial place to clean it up for the year. There is a family dinner that evening. We are doing a modified version with the table and dinner happening at the same time. We are looking forward to two other families like ours, and one Korean family joining us. I am still trying to research what foods to include... more on that later.

The Dream...

I have come up with an idea that sounds a bit out there, but I think I shall pursue it. I am thinking of going to Busan next summer and living there for a month or so. We have friends whose parents have 2 apartments in Busan. We stayed with them when we were there in April. If they would let us rent their extra apartment for the time we want to be there, we could actually live in Korea and let the kids experience life in Korea. I am including another A-mom and her children in my dream too. We are thinking of trying to find a private Korean school who might let the kids attend for part of the day during that month (Korean school aren't out until late July). In exchange I would be happy to volunteer with their English classes. We could also hire a Korean tutor during that time. Busan is about an hour by bus from my son's Halmoni, so we could see her and his brother on weekends. My kids love the idea. I would think we could improve our Korean dramatically while we were there.
Ahhh... dreaming....

What's in a name????

The biggest mistake we made during the adoption process was not keeping our children's Korean names as part of their legal names. We use their Korean names at home, at Korean school, with our Korean friends, but they are not part of their legal names. I really regret this. Recently, my son asked me if we can legally add it, so we are investing how to do this through the court system. Poor kid.. he'll have 5 names since I gave him 2 middle names and he doesn't want to drop any. My daughter hasn't asked for this, but we'll changer hers as well, I think.

This really hit home for me when we escorted home SeungJu from Korea to the US. He was known by this name for 9 months. It is a part of who he is. It is who he was to us... and when we handed him over to his family they called him by his American name and it felt strange to me. I did the same thing, so I am not judging. I don't know if they kept his Korean name or not (I hope so). But this experience really made me realize the importance of keeping a child's Korean name... it is a real part of who they are, it acknowledges that their lives began before me, in another place. I know this is important to many Koreans as well. My daughter's foster mother kept saying her Korean name over and over and asking, "You know who you are?" My son's Halmoni was very happy that my son knew he used his Korean name and that he could write his name in Korean (I'm not sure she even knows what his American name is).

So.... if you are in the process of adopting I encourage you to keep your child's Korean name as part of his/her legal name. It helps to recognize that this child had a life in Korea prior to coming to the US. It helps your child keep a part of him/herself, I think, that is sometimes lost.

I'm curious what others think.... please post.